Saturday, December 6, 2008

No Guts, No Glory Update

Well if things couldn't get worse. It finally dawned on me that my intestinal pain seems familiar. Oh yeah, I've had this a few times before over the last few years. Stress and bad diet lead me to essentially tear up my guts. I think the doctor's might call it "Irritable Bowel Syndrome". I can't remember when I last had it, maybe even a year ago. Anyway, bland diet and pepto bismo usually takes care of it in 2 or 3 days.

On a positive note, the back and shoulder are actually feeling fairly reasonable. The MRI doesn't lie and I'll still go through with the surgery. I've been using a tempurpedic neck-roll pillow I had in the closet. A few weeks ago it actually brought on more pain, but now it seems to be helping.


Gordon R. Durand said...

If I haven't been commenting it's not because I don't care. It's because any advice I might have is from so far out in left field that any rational media-fed citizen who heard it would immediately jump up on the coffee table and scream, "Heresy! Heresy! He's trying to kill you! Don't do it! Don't even listen to him!" or words to that effect.

So here's my advice: it's nothing that an all-meat diet won't cure.

First of all, it won't hurt to quit eating altogether for a day or two. Drink plenty of water, of course. It's difficult, but not impossible, to drink too much water. Prune juice well diluted and as hot as you can stand it until the blockage clears. Wait until you're good and hungry before you eat again. Stomach rumbling is normal. Ignore it.

Then: a little roast beef well marbled with fat cooked in a slow cooker. And this is important: Do not, repeat not, cut away the fat. It's good for you, and good for your digestive system.

As your system recovers add steaks to your diet (once again, get the good stuff and eat all of it), bacon (not too crisp), turkey, ham, fish, shrimps, chicken, and every other kind of flesh, fish, or fowl. That's all.

Avoid the temptation to try vegetables. Vegetables are bad for you. And at all costs avoid bread and crackers, potatoes and pasta. They will kill you, maybe not instantly, but certainly over time.

After a week or two of a decent carnivorous diet you will notice that most if not all of your digestive complaints have gone. If you get nostalgic for them, have a salad. When you get over that, go back to roast beef.

Take it easy on the canned meats, eggs, and cheese. They'll probably treat you fine, but if they don't, stick with the animals, freshly killed and lightly killed.

It's a diet you can live with.

Gordon R. Durand said...

Oops. Blew my best line. That's supposed to be "freshly killed and lightly grilled."